Response to Ethan Hightower's "Spanish Moss"

            Ethan’s story follows a young teenager named Trig and his two friends Blake and Tommy.  The boys decide that one summer they should at least experience smoking marijuana for the first time.  They ultimately acquire the drugs where they rolled joints by the river and proceeded to smoke.  After their first impressions of the altered state, the boys discover a black trash bag, which contains a dead body.  Trig and his friends are startled by the discovery.  While Tommy and Blake never returned to the river, Trig likes to go back every once and a while and reflect of the frailty of life.

            I liked the story for its naïve perspective of young teenagers.  Their obsessions with drugs, partying, and skipping school is very relatable and hilarious to read.  This also goes along with why I enjoyed the dialogue so much.  There are, however, a few things that I would change.  For instance, the characters don’t seem to be as vibrant as I wish they could be.  I liked some of the details about the friend’s different character traits but they still seemed like they needed more personality.  I also feel like one of the parents should make an appearance just to contrast the parental roles with the kid’s.  I also wish that the setting were more integrated into the story.  To me, I was envisioning a lot of Southern elements.  Maybe establishing a setting could help connect the story better with the audience.  I would also change the title.  “Spanish Moss” doesn’t really hold any special continuity in the story.

            Overall, I like the story a lot and I believe it has a lot of potential.  The narrative sort of had a “Sand Lot” feel and is very relatable to a lot of people.  I enjoyed this one.  Thanks for sharing.

Response to J.J. Nelson's "A Dream"

            J.J.’s story follows a creative writing student named Gabriel.  Gabriel is struggling to find his comfort zone in his college and becomes increasingly obsessed and paranoid with the on goings of his life.  This is a result of his stoner-like qualities and his laziness.  Gabriel spends much of his time smoking large amounts of marijuana and daydreaming.  The story consists of many different dreams in which Gabriel decides to base his stories off of for his classes.

            I liked a lot of the elements to this story.  The narrator seemed especially personal and I really enjoyed his introverted thoughts and his desire to change despite himself.  I did however get lost in a lot of the material.  The story does drift in and out of the dream world and the real world and it’s easy to misinterpret the major plot points in the story.  It also strays far too close to the “it was all a dream” conclusion that I would suggest avoiding.  I liked a lot of the human elements to the story and the personal conflicts in which Gabriel has to face.  I just wish that the reader got to experience him overcome some of his flaws or at least make some kind of change in the story.  The character is easy to sympathize with and I would love to see him persevere at some point or fail miserably in a life altering way.

            Overall, I really appreciate the level of honesty and uniqueness surrounding the narrative.  The protagonist has an excellent relatable tone, but some of the other characters merely stand in his shadow and don’t seem to be as important.  The dialogue and inner thought processes are hilarious and very realistic.  I absolutely enjoyed that aspect to the story surrounding the main character.  This story has a lot of potential.

Response to Robert Elrod's "As Big As Light"

            Robert’s story is written in the style of journal entry from a man named Dean.  Dean is suffering from some form of mental degradation and has been asked by his doctors to attempt to recall memories in his notebook.  Dean remembers the times when he used to work for the prestigious Huxley family.  Their son, Adrian, is an artist and is having a difficult time dealing with his father’s lack of tolerance for his son’s lifestyle.  One evening Dean and Adrian have a chat where in Adrian reveals that he wishes to commit suicide.  Subsequently, Dean talks him out of it, ending the story with the characters presumed compromise.

            I liked this story a lot.  Many elements to the story were working quite well.  My favorite aspect would probably have to be the dialogue.  The phrasing of the sentences read eloquently and seems to flow seamlessly.  Robert really captured the character’s tones and feelings from the dialogue.  As he recounts the past, Dean doesn’t seem quite sure of a few minor details, revealing his failing health.  The scene between Dean and Adrian is a high point in the story.  My only complaint is that I feel as if the story ended too quickly.  I want to know what else happens between the Huxley family and Dean.  I feel that the story lacks certain pieces to the overall puzzle.  If another journal entry separate from the current entry were added, I feel that the story could really benefit from that idea.

            In all, this story has a lot of potential, however I feel that the current draft could be a bit longer with more information.  I loved the tone of voice and the possibility of an unreliable narrator.  I also really appreciated the bond between Adrian and Dean.  I really enjoyed this story.

Response to Jeremy Hare's "Casting Shadows"

            Jeremy’s story follows a young girl who dies and awakes in the afterlife.  She meets strange people in Purgatory and slowly has to be convinced and come to the realization that she actually is dead.  Eventually, she is prepared and groomed to become a soul catcher as well to join the ranks of her new friends.  Later in the story, we find out that the people who were training the protagonist also killed her in the tragic fire.  They simply wanted to harvest her special spirit.  Upon finding this out, she has a final brawl with her master where she is fatally wounded and presumed dies.

            One of the things I liked about the story was that the writer chose to write from a female’s perspective.  I thought that this showed an interesting perspective challenge for the writer.  Another thing that I feel isn’t working for the story is the amount of information included.  This sort of feels more like a comic-book or graphic novel style design.  I like what is done in the story, but I think the nature of the story would be more suited for a different format.  The story also seemed to drag on at times, providing unnecessary details and gratuitous scene changes.  I did like, however, the creativity behind the plot and the characters.  I found the setting and the characters very compelling.

            Overall, the story could use a lot of editing to make the story more concise.  There are moments where the narrative seems too lengthy and therefore and can lead to the audience becoming distracted.  The overwhelming story and characters are ambitious, but I feel if they are captured and emulated well on the page, then the story will be even better.  I really enjoyed the story a lot.  Hopefully some minor changes can make it better.

Response to Kody Blackwell's "Whatever Gods May Be"

            Kody’s story follows the protagonist Thomas Abrams.  Set in a small town, Thomas, who was once a teacher and high school football coach, decides to make a drastic lifestyle change in order to further serve the Lord.  During his position as a preacher, his wife, Bethany, becomes pregnant.  While this news elates him, an encounter with a young boy’s story of an abuse and traumatic family causes him to question his faith and his teachings.  Following this revelation, Thomas decides to resign from his preaching duties.

            The first aspect to Kody’s story that really jumps out to me is the quick and concise writing style.  I really enjoyed the general briefness of his sentence structure.  This allowed him to fit a lot more information on the page and gives the story a bit of personality.  I also really liked the characters, but I do wish that there were more showing and not telling.  Maybe dramatizing some of the scenes and shedding light on different perspectives can give the story depth.  A lot of the imagery was really fitting as well.  The descriptions of the characters and the scenery made the story all the more vivid.  However, there are some components of the story that could be deleted or re-written.  For instance, some of these side characters or even some of the main character’s back-story can be too much at times.

            In all, I really enjoyed the story and found that there were a lot of things that work.  I appreciated the structure and the writing style as well.  Some of the story elements could be trimmed up or elaborated on.  The characters are interesting and so are some of the themes of the story.  All of the details and story elements are really captivating and provide a nice backdrop for this story.

Response to Jessica Mullino

            Jessica Mullino’s story “Untitled” follows a young college student named Andy, who must complete a short story for her fiction class to turn in promptly the next day.  Feeling overwhelmed with the assignment, Andy gives the paper the old college try and turns her story in just minutes before her class.  Sound familiar?

            To be honest, there wasn’t a lot working for me in the story.  The character’s “struggle” seems inadequate and lacks emotion.  The story also rarely left the character’s apartment.  I did enjoy the descriptions of the apartment and found it entertaining to hear the author’s descriptions of a college student.  However, the story seemed to hit too close to home.  In its essence, the story could be about me.  Or Jessica.  Or anyone else in our Fiction class.  The story lacked personality and a sense of uniqueness.  I understand what the author was trying to do.  It would appear that Jessica is reaching for a “story within a story effect” which isn’t quite revealed until the end.  Personally, I think that the details of what the story Andy is writing should be described and shown towards the beginning.  This way, maybe we could see some parallels between the protagonist and her story, which could add a sense of irony and add a new layer of storytelling.  In all, the story sort of serves as a pseudo narrative that could be really interesting if there were more action scenes with dialogue and character development.

            I like a lot of Jessica’s ideas and I think with a little more thought and revisions, this story could be very compelling.  It’s interesting for a writer to get inside the head of another writer.  I feel that this could be intriguing is you add more about what lengths Andy had to go through to get her paper done.  I would suggest the addition of bigger hurdles and friction in the narrative.

Response to Jhumpa Lahiri's "Once in a Lifetime"

            Jhumpa Lahiri's short story follows the life of a young pre-teen American girl whose family shares their house with acquaintances from India.  The narrator takes notice of the Indian family’s different perspective and learns that she has a real love and kinship with the family.  She especially grows fond of the young boy living with them whom he reveals at the end of the story that his mother is dying from breast cancer.  The only reason that his family was in the United States was to schedule surgeries and visit with doctors.

            Firstly, I loved the imagery in the story.  All of the specific details that the author tends to include simply make the story.  I particularly liked the description about the clutter of the house and how the lingering toothbrushes crowding the sink meant that their guests had to leave.  I also liked the point of view a lot.  The narrator uses “you” a lot, referring to the boy staying at her house.  This was an interesting perspective being used.  It adds a lot to the dynamics of the story and particularly focuses on the Indian family.  Finally, the foreshadowing elements of the story I found really refreshing.  The scene where the women are trying on bras and the narrator observes he other mother’s breasts.  Little did she know of her disease.  I also found the final scene of them in the woods to be the most heart-breaking, visceral piece of the narrative.  The author really captures the narrator’s sadness on that dreary day.

            Overall, I found the story compelling and complicated with different accentuations on simplicity.  The visual descriptions were kept concise while the plot elements and format were convoluted and thought out thoroughly.  The literary techniques in the story prove to be noteworthy and leave a humbling impression on the reader.

Response "Meow" by Cary Bayless

            Cary’s story follows Cyril, who likely suffers from autism or mental retardation.  Cyril takes interest in many things.  His love for numbers makes everyday conversation a struggle, and his love for his cat, Jimmy-cat, is strong throughout the story.  Cyril also frequents the local Captain D’s to hang out with his buddy Earl.  During a visit with Earl, Cyril discovers that his cat has had babies behind the Dumpster, leaving the curious Cyril with a newfound sense of hope and optimism.

            There are a lot of elements in the story that really worked for me.  Firstly, I thought that the perspective was brilliant.  In a way, it reminded me of “Flowers for Algernon” or “Of Mice and Men” where prominent characters are mentally handicapped.  I loved the point of view from Cyril.  It was great insight through the eyes of someone who truly is shunned by society and is taught to love wholeheartedly.  Cyril is also a character that I felt very strongly about.  I’m glad that Cary chose a character that I could sympathize with.  It made the story’s main character arc overall more interesting.  One thing that was a bit confusing for me was the beginning.  I assume that it was simply a neighbor’s house in which he broke in to, but maybe a clearer motive could be added.

            In all, I love this story.  It adds fresh perspectives and in my opinion is a captivating piece of writing.  I feel as if I want the story to go on and on just so that I could travel along side Cyril in his adventures.  The pace of the story is fitting as well and the author makes sure to add just enough information so that the reader can fill in the blanks accordingly.  I really enjoyed reading this one.

Rhamah Norris's "Cats" Response

            Rhamah’s story begins with cat aficionado, Cat Lady, and her unnamed helper.  The Cat Lady’s home is filled with homeless cats looking for new owners.  The narrator observes the Cat Lady and a few of her customers in the home.  The latest customer, a young teenage boy, enters and is left in horror as the once perceived kind one-eyed cat, Lily, lashes out at him.

            There are a lot of things that I like about this story.  One of the initial ideas that I can bring to mind is the author’s attention to perspective.  It seems that the narrator is simply an unofficial employee or maybe a neighbor.  But, I like how she/he sympathizes with the cats.  It’s almost as if Rhamah is giving these cats dialogue and commentary of their own until the final sequence with an unfamiliar Lily reacts to her possible new owner.  Secondly, I really enjoyed the attention to detail.  Everything became incredibly visual and aesthetically pleasing in the best way.  Some of my favorites include some spilt cat food that crunches when you step on it, or the description of the pudgy girl and her “sausage” fingers.  I absolutely love it.

            The only thing that I see the story missing is a more clear direction.  The characters are intriguing, but I have no real understanding of what the story is truly about.  This could just be me and my perception of the first reading, but I am curious to see other members of the class respond to my query.  I simply saw a lack of motivation, but plenty of observation.  I was rooting for narrator who was rooting for the cats.

            There is plenty of interesting stuff included in the story and if the author can tie up a few loose ends it could be incredible.  In all, I think this story great.  There’s plenty of great writing and detail to back up such a claim.

Response to Laurel Kostakis's "Perfect"

            Laurel’s story follows an unnamed narrator whose new college role as the pretty and popular girl leads to her discomfort.  She ultimately decides to change herself and resolve the disconnect between her and her old friends.

            To me, the first thing that sticks out is the length of the story.  There is a lot of detail that doesn’t warrant the character arc.  I just became uninterested in the story very quickly.  The conflict could fit in about one page and the overall “change” in the character is about a paragraph.  I was also unclear of the character’s motives.  Sure, she is a college kid who is naturally growing apart from her friends.  Yet, it seems to take a total stranger to make her remember the good times?  I have difficulty believing this plot point.  All other aspects including the narrator’s connection with her mother or the scenes and descriptions about her professors and councilors just seem irrelevant.

            I do think that the characters have great potential to be more fleshed out if the story does insist to be this long.  I love the idea of “girl drama.”  Women are indeed fascinating creatures and I could see Laurel hitting a home run with her characters.  As I’ve said, some of the characters are introduced and unresolved.  Maybe the hunky professor or the deliberate advisor could be stretched out to create an even bigger conflict. 

            In all, there’s a lot working for the story.  I really enjoy Laurel’s writing, I would just like to see the story tighten up and be more relevant.  I would also change the title.  “Perfect” just doesn’t seem fitting for the story.  It would be more ironic if the story was called “Perfect” and nothing goes to plan.  But, a simply staged story where everything works in perfect harmony seems a little unbelievable and adding some new layers of suspense might lure readers in even deeper.

Response to "Incarnations of Burned Children"

After finishing Wallace’s “Infinite Jest” a few years ago, it’s safe for me to say that I understand a little bit about the author’s twisted and intriguing mind.  “Incarnations of Burned Children” reads as if it was written by an entirely different author when compared “Infinite Jest.”  The simple grammatical structures and long sentences are prominent throughout this story.  In essence, the story is about a family and their experiences with a horrific and traumatic injury to their baby.  The child accidently overturns a pot of boiling water and is scalded.  The family then scrambles to attend to the baby’s medical needs, but end up losing the child due to the severity of the injuries according to a mistake by the parents. 

 I loved this story.  The simplicity of the story and the lack of dialogue make the story unique.  The long sentences really added to the sheer panic in the story.  What the parents are going through is mirrored throughout the structure of the narrative.  I also noticed how Wallace does not refer to anyone by name.  Although the story is written in third person, it’s almost as if it is from the child’s point of view.  The way that he uses “Mommy” and “Daddy” add to this effect.

 I also noticed how brief this story is.  I was half expecting Wallace’s short story to take up half the book, yet I was impressed with how much information he added.  Even minute details such as the door hanging on the hinge of the birds observation from outside might seem irrelevant, yet Wallace makes it work very effectively.  Overall, I really like the author’s approach for this story.  The story begins so quickly and doesn’t slow down just like the situation occurring in the story.  It’s incredibly sad, intense, and vivid and makes for a very compelling narrative.

Response to Adam Smith's "Animals"

            Adam’s story begins with the narrator stealing a jacket in Italy for his girlfriend.  He gives her the jacket and tells her that it is stolen.  This causes a feud between the two and a rift in the relationship.  From then on the narrator would vow to achieve excellence for Jenny.  However, a fatal accident resulting in his sister’s death causes him to turn the other way.  The narrator began to give in to his indulgences, which eventually corrupt Jenny.  Inevitably, Jenny becomes vile much like her boyfriend.  The narrator doesn’t even recognize her anymore and is left in confusion.

            I really enjoyed this story.  My only problem is that the author is willing to include so much in what seems to be very little time that it all gets jumbled.  I would either want the story to be more concise or prolong to resolve and embellish some of these conflicts.  I liked the irony of the story a lot.  Even though the narrator ended up corrupting his girlfriend is an interesting concept, it didn’t seem convincing enough.  I feel like in all I had a hard time sympathizing with these characters and I’m not sure why.  One of the things I really wanted to see that could help this problem would be dramatizing one of the scenes.  My choice would be the scene where he gives her the jacket.  Seeing some dialogue in that scene could really help the story and humanize these characters.

            Overall I really enjoyed the story.  Adam is a really talented writer and if he fixes some of these key issues, this story could be very compelling.  I like how he begins the story and gives us background information on the couple’s beginnings.  Maybe elaborating on these elements could shed light on the story’s true insights and its meaning of the title “Animals.”

Response to Nate Lundberg's "The Summer of Lemon Drops"

            Nate’s story follows a narrator and his time during a community service sentence.  He has a possible lucrative opportunity in New York, but has yet to go there due to his sentence.  The man he works for, John, is a ranger and upon digging in the sand on the beaches of Florida, they find a chest.  What was initially believed to be gold inside is merely led painted with a gold finish with a little help from John himself.  The story ends on the reveal of the prank and the main character’s reliance on those lemon drops to get him through the summer.

            First of all, I really like Nathan’s technical ability to write.  He uses a lot of style in his sentences that I enjoy.  It has a nice languid feel to it.  With that said, the story follows a very linear progression.  By this, I mean that the story seems a bit shallow.  The narrator talks a lot about a lot of things (his sister’s wedding, John, lemon drops, etc.) and we never get to see the explanation.  To solve this I think that Nate needs to make the story longer.  Everything he has in the plot is great, but I think that it needs to build up to something greater.  The title also didn’t make much sense to me.  I got that it was barely tied in to the end, but that wasn’t enough.  If the title is to remain the same, I wish that it was a little stronger and a little clearer.

            In all, I enjoyed the story very much.  I’m a big fan of Nate’s writing skills and I believe that a bit more elaboration and conflict can make this story fantastic.  Everything is there, but I just think that it needs a little expansion.  Good story.