Response to Ethan Hightower's "Spanish Moss"

            Ethan’s story follows a young teenager named Trig and his two friends Blake and Tommy.  The boys decide that one summer they should at least experience smoking marijuana for the first time.  They ultimately acquire the drugs where they rolled joints by the river and proceeded to smoke.  After their first impressions of the altered state, the boys discover a black trash bag, which contains a dead body.  Trig and his friends are startled by the discovery.  While Tommy and Blake never returned to the river, Trig likes to go back every once and a while and reflect of the frailty of life.

            I liked the story for its naïve perspective of young teenagers.  Their obsessions with drugs, partying, and skipping school is very relatable and hilarious to read.  This also goes along with why I enjoyed the dialogue so much.  There are, however, a few things that I would change.  For instance, the characters don’t seem to be as vibrant as I wish they could be.  I liked some of the details about the friend’s different character traits but they still seemed like they needed more personality.  I also feel like one of the parents should make an appearance just to contrast the parental roles with the kid’s.  I also wish that the setting were more integrated into the story.  To me, I was envisioning a lot of Southern elements.  Maybe establishing a setting could help connect the story better with the audience.  I would also change the title.  “Spanish Moss” doesn’t really hold any special continuity in the story.

            Overall, I like the story a lot and I believe it has a lot of potential.  The narrative sort of had a “Sand Lot” feel and is very relatable to a lot of people.  I enjoyed this one.  Thanks for sharing.

Response to J.J. Nelson's "A Dream"

            J.J.’s story follows a creative writing student named Gabriel.  Gabriel is struggling to find his comfort zone in his college and becomes increasingly obsessed and paranoid with the on goings of his life.  This is a result of his stoner-like qualities and his laziness.  Gabriel spends much of his time smoking large amounts of marijuana and daydreaming.  The story consists of many different dreams in which Gabriel decides to base his stories off of for his classes.

            I liked a lot of the elements to this story.  The narrator seemed especially personal and I really enjoyed his introverted thoughts and his desire to change despite himself.  I did however get lost in a lot of the material.  The story does drift in and out of the dream world and the real world and it’s easy to misinterpret the major plot points in the story.  It also strays far too close to the “it was all a dream” conclusion that I would suggest avoiding.  I liked a lot of the human elements to the story and the personal conflicts in which Gabriel has to face.  I just wish that the reader got to experience him overcome some of his flaws or at least make some kind of change in the story.  The character is easy to sympathize with and I would love to see him persevere at some point or fail miserably in a life altering way.

            Overall, I really appreciate the level of honesty and uniqueness surrounding the narrative.  The protagonist has an excellent relatable tone, but some of the other characters merely stand in his shadow and don’t seem to be as important.  The dialogue and inner thought processes are hilarious and very realistic.  I absolutely enjoyed that aspect to the story surrounding the main character.  This story has a lot of potential.

Response to Robert Elrod's "As Big As Light"

            Robert’s story is written in the style of journal entry from a man named Dean.  Dean is suffering from some form of mental degradation and has been asked by his doctors to attempt to recall memories in his notebook.  Dean remembers the times when he used to work for the prestigious Huxley family.  Their son, Adrian, is an artist and is having a difficult time dealing with his father’s lack of tolerance for his son’s lifestyle.  One evening Dean and Adrian have a chat where in Adrian reveals that he wishes to commit suicide.  Subsequently, Dean talks him out of it, ending the story with the characters presumed compromise.

            I liked this story a lot.  Many elements to the story were working quite well.  My favorite aspect would probably have to be the dialogue.  The phrasing of the sentences read eloquently and seems to flow seamlessly.  Robert really captured the character’s tones and feelings from the dialogue.  As he recounts the past, Dean doesn’t seem quite sure of a few minor details, revealing his failing health.  The scene between Dean and Adrian is a high point in the story.  My only complaint is that I feel as if the story ended too quickly.  I want to know what else happens between the Huxley family and Dean.  I feel that the story lacks certain pieces to the overall puzzle.  If another journal entry separate from the current entry were added, I feel that the story could really benefit from that idea.

            In all, this story has a lot of potential, however I feel that the current draft could be a bit longer with more information.  I loved the tone of voice and the possibility of an unreliable narrator.  I also really appreciated the bond between Adrian and Dean.  I really enjoyed this story.

Response to Jeremy Hare's "Casting Shadows"

            Jeremy’s story follows a young girl who dies and awakes in the afterlife.  She meets strange people in Purgatory and slowly has to be convinced and come to the realization that she actually is dead.  Eventually, she is prepared and groomed to become a soul catcher as well to join the ranks of her new friends.  Later in the story, we find out that the people who were training the protagonist also killed her in the tragic fire.  They simply wanted to harvest her special spirit.  Upon finding this out, she has a final brawl with her master where she is fatally wounded and presumed dies.

            One of the things I liked about the story was that the writer chose to write from a female’s perspective.  I thought that this showed an interesting perspective challenge for the writer.  Another thing that I feel isn’t working for the story is the amount of information included.  This sort of feels more like a comic-book or graphic novel style design.  I like what is done in the story, but I think the nature of the story would be more suited for a different format.  The story also seemed to drag on at times, providing unnecessary details and gratuitous scene changes.  I did like, however, the creativity behind the plot and the characters.  I found the setting and the characters very compelling.

            Overall, the story could use a lot of editing to make the story more concise.  There are moments where the narrative seems too lengthy and therefore and can lead to the audience becoming distracted.  The overwhelming story and characters are ambitious, but I feel if they are captured and emulated well on the page, then the story will be even better.  I really enjoyed the story a lot.  Hopefully some minor changes can make it better.

Response to Kody Blackwell's "Whatever Gods May Be"

            Kody’s story follows the protagonist Thomas Abrams.  Set in a small town, Thomas, who was once a teacher and high school football coach, decides to make a drastic lifestyle change in order to further serve the Lord.  During his position as a preacher, his wife, Bethany, becomes pregnant.  While this news elates him, an encounter with a young boy’s story of an abuse and traumatic family causes him to question his faith and his teachings.  Following this revelation, Thomas decides to resign from his preaching duties.

            The first aspect to Kody’s story that really jumps out to me is the quick and concise writing style.  I really enjoyed the general briefness of his sentence structure.  This allowed him to fit a lot more information on the page and gives the story a bit of personality.  I also really liked the characters, but I do wish that there were more showing and not telling.  Maybe dramatizing some of the scenes and shedding light on different perspectives can give the story depth.  A lot of the imagery was really fitting as well.  The descriptions of the characters and the scenery made the story all the more vivid.  However, there are some components of the story that could be deleted or re-written.  For instance, some of these side characters or even some of the main character’s back-story can be too much at times.

            In all, I really enjoyed the story and found that there were a lot of things that work.  I appreciated the structure and the writing style as well.  Some of the story elements could be trimmed up or elaborated on.  The characters are interesting and so are some of the themes of the story.  All of the details and story elements are really captivating and provide a nice backdrop for this story.