Robert’s story is written in the style of
journal entry from a man named Dean.
Dean is suffering from some form of mental degradation and has been
asked by his doctors to attempt to recall memories in his notebook. Dean remembers the times when he used
to work for the prestigious Huxley family. Their son, Adrian, is an artist and is having a difficult
time dealing with his father’s lack of tolerance for his son’s lifestyle. One evening Dean and Adrian have a chat
where in Adrian reveals that he wishes to commit suicide. Subsequently, Dean talks him out of it,
ending the story with the characters presumed compromise.
I
liked this story a lot. Many
elements to the story were working quite well. My favorite aspect would probably have to be the dialogue. The phrasing of the sentences read
eloquently and seems to flow seamlessly.
Robert really captured the character’s tones and feelings from the
dialogue. As he recounts the past,
Dean doesn’t seem quite sure of a few minor details, revealing his failing
health. The scene between Dean and
Adrian is a high point in the story.
My only complaint is that I feel as if the story ended too quickly. I want to know what else happens
between the Huxley family and Dean.
I feel that the story lacks certain pieces to the overall puzzle. If another journal entry separate from
the current entry were added, I feel that the story could really benefit from that
idea.
In
all, this story has a lot of potential, however I feel that the current draft
could be a bit longer with more information. I loved the tone of voice and the possibility of an
unreliable narrator. I also really
appreciated the bond between Adrian and Dean. I really enjoyed this story.
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