Response to Laurel Kostakis's "Perfect"

            Laurel’s story follows an unnamed narrator whose new college role as the pretty and popular girl leads to her discomfort.  She ultimately decides to change herself and resolve the disconnect between her and her old friends.

            To me, the first thing that sticks out is the length of the story.  There is a lot of detail that doesn’t warrant the character arc.  I just became uninterested in the story very quickly.  The conflict could fit in about one page and the overall “change” in the character is about a paragraph.  I was also unclear of the character’s motives.  Sure, she is a college kid who is naturally growing apart from her friends.  Yet, it seems to take a total stranger to make her remember the good times?  I have difficulty believing this plot point.  All other aspects including the narrator’s connection with her mother or the scenes and descriptions about her professors and councilors just seem irrelevant.

            I do think that the characters have great potential to be more fleshed out if the story does insist to be this long.  I love the idea of “girl drama.”  Women are indeed fascinating creatures and I could see Laurel hitting a home run with her characters.  As I’ve said, some of the characters are introduced and unresolved.  Maybe the hunky professor or the deliberate advisor could be stretched out to create an even bigger conflict. 

            In all, there’s a lot working for the story.  I really enjoy Laurel’s writing, I would just like to see the story tighten up and be more relevant.  I would also change the title.  “Perfect” just doesn’t seem fitting for the story.  It would be more ironic if the story was called “Perfect” and nothing goes to plan.  But, a simply staged story where everything works in perfect harmony seems a little unbelievable and adding some new layers of suspense might lure readers in even deeper.