Response to Lauren Sides's "New Coach"

            Lauren’s story is confusing to me on a lot of levels.  Not that there is no sense in telling a cheerleading drama, but this piece left me dumbfounded.  The story follows the brief glimpse into the life, Kaylee, a teenage girl whose talent and dedication to cheerleading could possibly lead her to a scholarship to Florida State University.  Briefly introduced are Kaylee’s mother and friends whose one-dimensional characteristics add almost nothing to the story.  Finally, the “big bad wolf” takes the form of the “new” coach Alex (who I believe does not have a last name.)  This ruthless coach beats his students to a pulp, forcing them to practice regardless of serious medical injuries or any other much more important things for that matter.  The story follows one narrow path from beginning to end. 

There is a gargantuan amount of potential in this story, yet the author briefly touches on them and instead uses “fluff” to create no real momentum. For me, the story lacks complexity, emotion, and believability.  With situations like bulimia, injuries, and other social dramas revolving around this high school, one can only wish to see those conflicts arise and resolve in some way.  Yet, the reader is given no direction and is left with the main character “walking out” of the scene with all of her misery. 

There are a lot of other technical issues as well.  The author decided to use huge block quotations, which take up ample space for important descriptions and mood setting opportunities.  Also, the characters seem so cold.  Why is this coach on a vendetta to ruin everyone’s lives?  There must be more to this character and the rest of the characters as well.  I believe this story has a lot of story to tell.  It simply needs to be crafted to suit the audience, and in doing so will make the work much more fluid.